Being Woman – Chris Adams

Often we conjure up certain pictures in our mind of what it means to be a female. Perhaps your mind goes immediately to frills and lace over a dainty girl. That only describes ONE type of female.

At times we may think we are “less” than the opposite sex, while others see female as “better”. When we look at God specifically creating male and female in the Old Testament book of Genesis, it’s not about better or less. It’s about completing, not competing.

This is true whether you are single or married. Men and women as a whole need each other, often BECAUSE of our differences. One of the things we know about women is that there is a desire to nurture. We want to build relationships, we want to “fix things”, sometimes we want to “make it happen” by seeking control. So what does healthy nurturing look like?

Recently, I read for the second time, Biblical Femininity by Chrystie Cole. My D-group (made up of single young women and then me, married forever!) read this together. I especially loved how she addressed the nurturing aspect of our femininity in one chapter in this book.

She also reminds us that this kind of nurture does not encourage the other person to be dependent on us but that helps them become strong in healthy confidence in who they are. This resonates with me as a women’s minister…nurturing and training women to be confident in their dependence on Christ.

This is not always easy. Here’s why. Sometimes it comes at our own expense. We have to give up time and resources to pour into another. We also sometimes have to nudge them away from you and toward Jesus to make sure they develop healthy nurturing relationships and so that they grow as a disciple of Christ.

Chrystie cites the biblical story of Ruth and Naomi. Though we know Naomi taught Ruth about her God, we also see Ruth was aware of Naomi’s vulnerable situation in life as she lost her husband and both sons (one being Ruth’s husband). We see that she walked with Naomi until Naomi found joy again. That was probably not easy not only because of her own mourning but also because of Naomi’s bitterness. She mentions that “Sometimes you must be an ezer (one who helps) to difficult people and in less ideal circumstances.”

I really was touched by how she addressed the way we can corrupt nurturing through our own autonomy. We do this through self-promotion or self-protection. I’ve often shared something I heard years ago…”our circle of concern and our circle of responsibility are not necessarily the same thing.” We can have concern for many, but we can only pour into and mentor some. This author says our responsibility is something we faithfully obey and are able to do in a situation or relationship. Our concern is what we entrust to God for a person who is important to us but “outside or beyond our ability to help.”

She warns of two temptations regarding our capacity to nurture:

To expand the inner circle and make responsibilities of things that are concerns
To shrink our inner circle of responsibility by abdicating it

The chapter concludes with a variety of ways we do corrupt nurturing: twisting the gift of mercy to use in ways God has not directed her, not wanting to get into messy lives of others, causing others to be dependent on us, avoiding conflict no matter what, and forcing others to succeed according to our mold to list a few.

If you need guidance on this nurturing thing…or if you just want to know how we can become “ezers” for God’s glory, I’d encourage you to pick up a copy of this book. It will guide you as you walk with women through various seasons of life who are seeking to be His disciple in a world filled with conflicting ideas about biblical femininity.

Photo by Nicole Bragenzer on Unsplash