Lessons,  Spiritual Growth,  Test,  Trial

Feeling Like a Failure?

How often to you feel like a failure?  Daily? Yearly? Have you ever thought about how God can use our failures to move us forward in Him? Today my daughter Alycia is again blogging for me. I know you will be blessed as she shares her recent feelings of failure.

This picture popped up in my TimeHop from 6 years ago and caused a whole slew of emotions.

Six years ago I got my first very own horse. Amadeus was a tad nuts and not the right fit, but he started the passion of riding again.

I have struggled through the past 6 years of trying to find the right horse, conquer fears, be a better rider and achieve this dream. I’ve poured money, time, sweat, tears, broken bones, and even some blood into this goal.

This past weekend I attended a clinic with Hondo to help our communication and “get better.” I struggled the whole weekend. Not just with my horse or my own lack of abilities, but with working in a group (as an introvert, that is also a strong empath, it’s difficult and draining to handle a group of people especially when I’m struggling) and add in the fact that we rode for two days – I was totally drained.

I woke up today flooded with feelings of inadequacy and failure. Then several things happened at home where I just dropped the ball. I got on Facebook, saw this memory and just broke down.

Six years and I feel like I’ve accomplished so little. How can someone work so incredibly hard at something for so long and not gain much at all? It must just mean I need to walk away, even if it is a passion.

Thankfully I have an amazing support group – I went to my parents’ house and cried it out. I communicated with two of my horse friends and they helped put things in perspective and best of all, my sweet husband came home and took over everything that just felt like “too much” and allowed me to just rest.

Ok so not a whole lot has changed in 6 years. I still get scared more often than I care to admit. I can’t hold my legs right. I forget what the reins are for sometimes.

If I were to draw a line and claim one end “beginning” and the other end “completion of goal” I honestly wouldn’t be that far down the line. Yet, here’s the thing I forget – I’m still moving on that line. I’m not a failure because I’m still reaching forward and striving. It may be micro-millimeters of a movement, but each time I head to the barn, I’m going forwards.

Above all, I need to quit with expectations that I feel others want to see in me. Foot positions, rein lengths and all the like, be darned – am I having fun? Isn’t that my ultimate goal?

Today was a nice healthy reminder to take care of what I allow in to my sacred space, take caution of where my energy is going and take notice of who I truly am.

In Psalm 34:4, David wrote, “I sought the Lord, and he answered me and rescued me from all my fears.” He again had escaped His enemies and spoke of God’s protection. He realized that it was God who removed His fear, even though he faced some tough battles that God allowed.

If you’re struggling with insecurity, failure and not feeling accomplished enough – I urge you to take a moment and rest. Ask yourself whose goals and timelines are you actually trying to meet? Are you surrounding yourself with people who speak positivity and truth into you? Stay true to you and just keep saddling up.

God will deliver you from your fears!

Alycia Neighbours is a resident of Hendersonville, TN (where her art is on display at her local library!) who focuses her art pieces to be deeper than just a drawn image. She got her start through illustrating scripture and sermons to help her grasp a simple message through somewhat complex passages. In sharing this type of art with others, she found her God given gift and passion of “sketch-notes”

Alycia has taught several classes to others focusing on hand-lettering, simple images to convey words and how to express what is auditory into something visual. Her sketch-notes and Bible Journaling pieces have been shared nationwide and opens the door for many other opportunities. Including special commissions through her ink style, watercolor, acrylics, pyrography, sculptures and crochet.

Alycia enjoys an active lifestyle in nature which she credits to her inspiration for art. Whether riding her horse through trails, kayaking the local lakes, hiking with one of her 4 dogs, tending her mini-farm of goats and one sassy pig; she looks closer to find textures hidden in all that surrounds her. When she is not busy raising her 6 kids at home or off having an adventure with her husband, you can find her busy sketching these images out in hopes of touching more and more people to look deeper.

Banner photo by Anthony Tran on Unsplash

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